Saturday, May 31, 2014

From Goldie to Red. Postmark: JAIL

Dear Red,

Hey. I did it again.

Can you bail me out? I need you to come and either bring 3 sheep or 40 wolf fangs. Apparently bail gets set quite high for repeat offenders.

Look, in my own defense I did NOT take anything this time. Contrary to what the little guy says, all I did was taste his soup (disgusting by the way, far too hot, not enough salt). I LEFT his silver spoon, spoiled little --


I am building my defense I have some notes, window was open... It was a thunderstorm and I was seeking shelter. I was basically invited in by the warm flickering of their candle light. It's like a forest beacon - I mean, if you don't want visitors, don't beckon them with the promise of warmth and merriment.

The fact that the family was "not at home" when I visited them does not constitute breaking and entering. Nothing was even broken! (except that chair leg but I put that back together).

Anyone in my place would have done the same. 15 mile walk home? Cold thunderous night? Inviting tiny cabin in the woods that smells like pie and promises warm dry blankets and a good chance of snuggles? Anyone would have knocked on that door. Which, by the way I did. I knocked first.

If I ate some soup does that mean I stole the soup? No - and besides I gave it back to the officer who arrested me but then I was slapped with another ordinance of "Becoming violently ill on an officer of the forest." Whatever.

I do admit taking a nap in their bed might have gone too far...Maybe. But I was just so tired. I've been running for days. I was at The Edge, Red. Things are getting bad. It's, I know you don't believe me, but something is out there causing destruction and it's only going to get worse. I keep trying to warn people but no one will believe me. They say nothing bad can happen to us here. They say Happily Ever After is endless. But I think they're wrong. I think Happily Ever After is about to end and no one is prepared to deal with what's coming after it.

Can you get here as fast as you can? There's a psycho in my cell with me, keeps trying to pull out locks of my hair and spin them into gold. He's a creeper. Though Cell #22 has got a seriously creepy old woman muttering into her toilet about "who's the prettiest lady in jail." I want to tell her, "Lady it 'aint you," but she looks deeply threatening and I don't need any more enemies. I've made enough as it is.

By the way - how are you?

Okay, come quickly. Don't forget the sheep!

- G

P.S. can you bring some of your grand's cookies too? I'm famished. Thanks!